First Love

I met Hayley (my first true love) when I was aged about ten or eleven years old. I was only a young boy at the time when we played together in her back garden and outside the front of hers in the street.

She was just five or six years old and I was mutual friends with some of the boys on her road and I used to go round to their homes when we were small children. I was friends with both her neighbours Ben and David and his brother Morris. We all went to the same junior school at the time which was called Wellacre Junior School which was about a five minute walk from where I lived at the time with my parents when we lived on Woodsend Road.

Hayley lived less than five minutes walk away from my home when we were children. I just remember being very much in love with her during the brief time we knew each other and I guess I considered her family even back then and never really forgot about her. I think even when I was a small child I thought of her as my soul mate and my future wife!

I just never expected to see her ever again as I was sent to a High School in Lymm, Cheshire which was about eight miles outside of the catchment area when I finished at Wellacre Junior School. Hayley was my first true childhood love and I was very fond of her at the time. I am not completely sure what exactly happened between us as it was over thirty years ago and some of my memory was partially erased between about 2001 – 2003, when I was dosed with LSD by my handlers at the time, but I think she was either my ex-girlfriend or we were very good friends at the time and we were very close and got on really well!

I am unsure if we kissed on the staircase in her home, but I recall us hugging in the street outside her home before saying goodbye and never seeing her again for a very long time as our mutual friend Ben spoke to me like crap that same day and I fell out with them all as a result of it and when I got home I decided not to speak to any of them or see any of them again. I didn’t tell Hayley or get the opportunity to explain to her. It wasn’t her fault. I was a very sensitive kid in those days and endured some bullying in those days, so it was quite a shock when Ben spoke to me like crap.

It made me very sad letting go of her like that under such circumstances and I remember being very tearful and upset in my bedroom and making the decision not to see any of them again or tell them. That’s all I remember, but I never forgot about her and always wondered whether I’d dreamt about our very brief time together and whether it was just a dream. I think that’s why I was overcome with emotion the night in the Moss Vale when she approached me about 5-6 years ago in the pub. You see I recognised her and fell instantly in love with her again, but I didn’t know who she was, how I knew her or where I recognised her from!

It was all a big mystery to me for the three years that followed our reunion as such. I eventually started to realise how I knew her from all those years ago and why I was feeling the way I was about her. I guess you could say I have a sentimental attachment to her from all those years ago because we go way back in time!

A few years ago, about two years to be precise, I asked her to marry me in an online semi-marriage proposal, but she never gave me an answer. She left me in the dark and in limbo, so ever since I have been tormented by not knowing or ever receiving an explanation for her behaviour over the last few years.

It’s difficult to explain the way I feel and the way I felt about her in the past and it might be hard for others to understand, but she was always family to me even back then when we were children. Unfortunately, when she met me I still had very bad PTSD a few years back, so I didn’t explain myself very well either. I do know I miss her a lot and she is always in my heart and on my mind and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. I hope we both get a third reunion, so we can at least make up for lost time and put both our own traumas and hurt aside from the past. I hope her memory comes back too and she remembers me from all those years ago too. She was my first true love you see. So, there is a huge sentimental attachment.